Everyone feels despondent at times and you are no exception. You are feeling so depressed because it seems that everything that could go wrong has gone wrong and you don't quite know which way to turn. So like the proverbial ostrich you are trying to bury your head in the sand. But that won't work - you have to face reality.
You are a leader in every sense of the word. You know where you are going and you know what you need to do in order to get there. You exercise an inherent initiative in overcoming obstacles and difficulties. You either hold, or wish to achieve, a position of authority by means of which full control can be exerted over events.
You give the impression that you are a self-sufficient individual, pretending that you are stoical - indifferent to pain or pleasure. But this is not so, for in truth you are an extremely emotional person, one that may make hasty decisions and perhaps repent at leisure. It is time now perhaps to break the bond of detachment and become the real 'you' - the you that you would like to be.
You are experiencing extreme emotional disappointment because it would seem that a particular relationship is no longer running smoothly. You would like to break away from this involvement completely and yet, if this were to happen, then its possible that something very important to you would be lost. You are in a quandary. You are not sure which way to turn. So on the one hand, you would like to free yourself from this attachment altogether, yet on the other, you do not want to lose anything nor risk uncertainty and the possibility of further disappointment. These contradictory and opposing emotions are now causing you considerable stress but you are putting on a brave face - pretending that you don't care.
Goodness, this is so true. Took it right after I posted the previous entry. Got this test from Vera.
No words can express how I'm feeling now;
but all I know is
I'm going through a quarter-life crisis,
since I'm too young
to be going though a mid-life crisis
Everything seems to go wrong
Starting to have suicidal thoughts
when I'm usually the sane one
Or is it all just a facade?
Everyone puts on a mask;
don't they?
Either to prove to others they are strong
to shield their insecurities
Or to portray their happy and crazy side
when they are secretly weeping inside
I'm beginning to realise
I have a very very serious
inferiority complex
that nobody else understands;
just let me fall.
Woooo. Chris rocked today's American Idol. He always does, anyway. Hope he, Taylor or Kat wins. And hope Kellie gets out soon.
After Jonnis danced his solo on SYTYCD, I'm addicted to Bebot by Black Eyed Peas. Bought their CD ages ago and wasn't keen on this song till now, because I have no idea what the song is about. Now I realise its in Filipino. -.-
I hope to get into OCIP! It'll be a damn meaningful experience, somemore with the visiting of tsunami-wrecked sites.. I'm sure it'll be really interesting. And I really want to visit Phuket again! I loove the beaches and nature; Singapore is sooo boring with buildings, buildings and more buildings! I can't wait for exams to be over and go on a holiday sooooon.
But first, to mug seriously. And shooting competitions. Urgh. Anyway I really love my organ pieces now. Can't wait to master them. :) Book 7 has really nice pieces.
Ronin is super duper cool! They came down to do a gig for TPJC carnival and they rocked! The carnival was surprisingly quite fun, and really cool because everything's FREE! Hahahaha. Sound like some kiasu aunty. Anyway, we went around spraying our hair, did henna, and played some games. Its actually our open house, just combined with games related to science and math. Though I didn't get the haunted house being associated with science and math; but as JY puts it, the adrenaline rush we get from being freaked out is part of Bio. -.- Anyway we waited for the haunted house for over a hour, and finally gave up because there were still 3 more groups before us! Worse than AC's haunted house.
Pictures of Ronin! Levan is cool. :D Rah, didn't get to take photos with them. Anyway, another day has passed so quickly. :( And parents keep nagging to study yet I'm still here. Oh well. And bought a new book today and I can't wait to read it. Been quite some time since I sat down to read a fiction book. Its One For My Baby by Tony Parsons. Can't wait. :)
If I could open my arms
And span the length of the isle of Manhattan
I'd bring it to where you are
Making a lake of the East River and Hudson
And if I could open my mouth
Wide enough for a marching band to march out
They would make your name sing
And bend through alleys and bounce off other buildings
Sorrow drips into your heart through a pinhole
Just like a faucet that leaks and there is comfort in the sound
But while you debate half empty or half full
It slowly rises, your love is gonna drown
Death Cab For Cutie - Marching Bands of Manhattan
It's raining again. I use to love rainy days, especially in the comfort of my own home, the cosiness and warmth under a blanket. Peering outside of my window, watching the rain fall onto the ground, amazed by how raindrops fall in straight lines, watching people run to shelter.. But now? I cringe at the sound of rumbling and crackling thunder, lightning scares me (it never did 'til now), suddenly I feel so vulnerable. Perhaps its the sense of insecurity again, it keeps coming back to haunt.
The Lord is near to those who have a broken heart. - Psalm 34:18
Such a comforting verse.. :)
Rah, I think its that time of the month. I'm going to play the organ.
Went Cineleisure with the Hot Chicks after school today! Was released early because of carnival preparations. :D Ate at Friends cafe, and was so freaking full after that. Took neos (haven't done that in like a million years), and had a time of laughter and simply chatting about almost everything under the sun. Lovin' it!
Anyway, Ace is out! I couldn't believe my eyes when Chris was in the bottom 3, or rather bottom 2 this week. Guess it was because he didn't do a rock song, so he lost his rocker votes. Pickler should've been there! :( On a happier note, Andrea Bocelli is advisor next week! He's an amazing singer, loved his song Sogno. But I'm kind of sick of listening to slow arrangements. I wonder how the contestants are going to tackle such vocally-demanding songs like Bocelli's. After Ace's departure, it is now very, very hard to determine who's going next.
Next Saturday's internal shooting competition. Coach's target for us pistolers: average of 8.5. omgomgomg. All either 8s, 9s or 10s. -.- Thinking about it gives me the butterflies.
Love is in the air! ;) lol.
For Jewel in the Palace fans, this is hilarious.
Name 20 ppl you can think of right now at the top of your head.Don't read the questions underneath until you write the names of all 20 ppl. Tag at least 5 ppl. Ready?Start!
1. Clarissa
2. Wendy
3. Lydia
4. Jesslyn
5. Elizabeth
6. Weilin
7. Vera
8. Shulin
9. Shaina
10. Jiat Yue
11. Damien
12. Carmen
13. Janice
14. Sabrina
15. Siti
16. Hoying
17. Desflin
18. Tian Yun
19. Cheryl
20. Alethea
ok, now for the questions
1.How did you meet 14?
Hahaa. We have known each other for a long, long time, yet I don't remember how we met! And funny enough, so does she! We speculated that it was ballet in primary school, or the same school bus. Hmm. So that remains a mystery, lol.
2. What would you do if u've never met 1?
OMGG. Then I would never have met the nicest, sweetest, most caring.. whatever, she's just the greatest! My life would be much less exciting and eventful without her. We have been best friends since schoolcare (which means 11 years and counting!), and I remembered we even agreed to meet at the Stamford Raffles statue when we reach 21 yrs old! There are too many wonderful memories to put down here it would last a week to list them all down! I simply LOVE her! :D
3. What would you do if 20 and 9 dated?
Firstly, both of them are girls. Secondly, it's just impossible, even if Shaina's not attached to BL, it's just impossible. LOL. Because both of them are pure straight. I would just freak out, lol.
4. Did you ever like 19?
Hahaa. Blur and pretty girl Cheryl? Of course I like her! Such a sweet girl. :) Plays pool like a pro. LOL. Wish we met more often though.
5. Would 6 and 17 make a good couple?
-.- No comments. LOL.
6. Describe 3.
Lydia! Oh gosh, there is so much to describe about her. She's straightforward, sporty, funky, outgoing, full of spunkiness, great to hang out with, unique... gosh, I just looove her! Whether it's studying together, swimming, cycling, shopping, or simply hanging out at cafes, never fails to lighten up my day. :) Rock on girl! And more meetings please :)
7.Do you tink 8 is attractive?
DUH! Haha not only is she attractive, she's sooo funny, lively, so ever caring and has super fast reaction! :D
8.Tell me something about 7.
Hahaha. Vera, vera. Tell you guys something about her? Well....... 'galvinised' is the word. LOL. But I can't just tell you one thing because she's just too good for that. She's a girl with spunk, wit and she's just wonderful to hang out with! Lovee waffling and talking sessions with her! :D
9.Do you know any of 12's family?
Haha, of course. Her whole family's in the church too! :)
10. What's 8's favourite?
Favourite? LIN JUN JIE! Wahahaa. Oh yeah, and chocolatesss
11. What would u do if 18 just confessed he/she likes you?
I'll say I like her too! :P
12. What language does 15 speak?
Malay, english, and some of her own language. LOL.
13. Who is 9 going out with?
That's easy! WEN LANG. lol
14. How old is 16 now?
She's legally 18!
15. When's the last time you talked to 13?
Sadly, a few weeks ago. Haven't talked to her for quite some time!
16. What is 2's favourite band/singer?
Whoaa. She likes a wide range of music, but she prefers upbeat as well as slow songs, and hates techno. LOL. Her favourite singer should be either Gwen Stefani or Mariah Carey, heh.
17. Would you ever date 4?
LOL. Of course! But too bad she doesn't have time for us anymore :(
18. Would you ever date 7?
DUH! But she's taken already ;)
19. Is 15 single?
I think so. Siti! Are you? LOL.
20. What is 10's last name?
Haha, last name? Hmm. Yue.
21. Would you ever be in a serious relationship with 11?
OMG. Urm.. hmm lol.
22. What school does 3 go to?
ACJC!
23. Where does 6 live?
Some very ulu name. But it's near expo!
24. What's your favourite thing about 5?
Her frankness and humour. Just loove chatting and hanging out with her with the rest of the Beans!
25. Have you seen number 1 naked?
Hahaha. NO of course not! Although we've known each other for 11 years..
I'm lazy to tag other people. So anyone who wants to do this just do it! :)
Nothing unsual, nothing strange
Close to nothing at all
The same old scenario, the same old rain
And there's no explosions here
Then something unusual, something strange
Comes from nothing at all
I saw a spaceship fly by your window
Did you see it disappear?
Amie come sit on my wall
And read me the story of O
And tell it like you still believe
That the end of the century
Brings a change for you and me
Damien Rice - Amie
This song is so beautiful. I love the poetic lyrical and melancholy feel to the song; Damien Rice's voice evokes a lot of emotion. The song brings you into its very own story, like some whimsical fantasy. Suddenly I miss literature, the pleasure of analyzing poetry and thought-provoking themes; but definitely not the crazy memorizing of quotes! Literature simply reminds me of my sane self (if I still have one), in the midst of memorizing biology facts about evolution (urgh) and formulas after formulas. Fortunately, I still have organ and music to fall back on.
Tomorrow's Easter! :) A time to rejoice the resurrection of our Saviour. Good Friday service yesterday was really touching; Wing portrayed the role of Peter in his dying days so well! Almost teared.
But sometimes I feel like a fish out of water. There's something missing, and I can't figure out what it is. Or can I?
I'm still pretty bummed about PW results. Seems like the school isn't doing anything, or even attempting to give a reasonable explanation for these wonderful results. Seems like the school doesn't even care for our 10%. Makes me wonder if I made the right choice to put TPJC as my 2nd choice when I could have gone to so many other schools. :( RAHH.
Found out Jade Seah was from TPJC. Whoaa. And Mrs Toh was gushing about how she was the only one who had brains. -.-
Today was pretty eventful. Rockclimbed for the first time; it was cool! But stressed over so many people looking at clumsy me climb. Can't wait to climb again. SPE rocks! So, after that, Mrs Gay sparked off something. LOL. Oh well... what to do? Can't really blame her too. ;)
Dialogue session was an utter waste of time. And Vera was so bored she kept rubbing a bruise on my knee, and now its even more blue-black. -.- Anyway, after the dialogue Vera, Shu and me went waffle-ing. It felt good just hanging out with them and talking. :D Get well soon, JY! I feel so fortunate to have met all 4 of them. Soo funky they. Love you guys! x)
And I miss the Hot Beans. When, when, when will be our next full outing huh?
Mondays. Are. So. Tiring. I feel like flopping onto my bed and zz-ing off. But there's Da Chang Jing! Ok, not the point. Today I had shooting until 7, and had to rush for my organ lesson at 7.30. Fortunately, 'cher didn't make me play all my pieces today, but taught me 2 new songs instead. As usual, my improvisation sucked. I guess I'll skip grade 7 this year, and take grade 6 next year instead, since it's my A'level year.
Soccer was pretty exciting today, but really, such a pity! TPJC vs RJC scored 1 - 2. And we were tied until the last few minutes! However it was a good match; now I realise how good TP's soccer team is. They did well! Kudos to the team and the goalie! :D Finally experienced some school spirit, but sadly for the first time.
Ahh. The guy in Da Chang Jing is sooo cute! First time a man with a moustache so good-looking!
And I want a Dachshund! OMG. The sausage dog is sooo freaking cute..
Oh man. Mandiva's out! And I expected her to be in the top 5 at least! :( Such a pity. However her song choices weren't up to par I guess. It seems that song choice is key in this competition. She was definitely one of the best singers this season. It was a shocker to find Elliot, Paris and Mandisa in the bottom 3 this week.
Chemistry is driving me NUTS. Ok, enough about studies. Wendy, Lydia and I watched Inside Man yesterday. The plot is really interesting, I loved the twist in the end; though the movie was quite forgettable. What sucked most was that they kept censoring the vulgar words and it made the script really choppy. Ugh. Anyway, in Randy's language, it was just aight for me. I still want to watch Ice Age 2! I loved the first movie, so I bet the sequel is good. However I'm really anticipating Pirates of Caribbean 2! I missed Johnny Depp! :D
At times I just wish to know what's on your mind.
Geek in the Pink by Jason Mraz is on loop mode. Just looove that song!
Seriously, I don't have much of a social life anymore. :( Almost everyday's been school, cca, home. Otherwise, organ/violin lessons and church. Rahh. That's why I'm so glad I'm hanging out with Wendy and Lydia tomorrow. Perhaps to catch a movie as well. (Yes! Finally!) And I realised Ultraviolet isn't such a great show as I thought it would be; so I'm not going to waste my money on it.
You dozed off on me for the 3rd time already!! RAH.
Anyway, I realised Nationals are end-June, not start of June. Oh noo. Lesser time to study. -.- Okay, I'm beginning to sound like some mug freak. But the fear of retaining, the sheer thought of it, immediately gives me the goosebumps. Man.
American Idol bored me again. I almost wanted to change channels halfway through the show. Seriously, is Barry Manilow the only advisor who can bring the good performances on?! But surprisingly I enjoyed Ace's performance today. In fact, I can only remember his performance.
Da Chang Jing is getting more and more interesting. I'm addicted! I'm officially a Jewel in the Palace fan! Whoopee.
I miss Japan. I miss holidays. I miss the period after O'Levels. OMG. Now? I'm stuck in a never-ending pile of assignments, undone revision, shooting competitions and coming-up camp,
I need motivation.